“Can I talk to you?”
A simple question that stimulates you to act and react with various emotions!
Can I talk to you?
A question we get once in a while, though, could also be a day-to-day thing, too. It seems like a simple question asking for permission, but as simple as it sounds, do you know what would be spinning in your mind when you hear it from someone?
In most cases, this question is a stimulus for activating your brain:
Reasoning (why they choose me);
Classifying the relationship;
Associating it with your experiences; and
Predict the possible scenario(s) based on the above activities.
In the blink of an eye, your subconscious mind has already finished 99% of the work and left you with related emotions that keep running inside.
As our survival mechanism, we tend to predict the worst scenario and associate it with particular emotions to keep our alertness sharp.
Interestingly, when the conversation turns out not as bad as we predicted, we will have double joyous; one part comes from the not-too-bad news, and another comes from the emotion of relief.
However, when you don’t realize the effect of our internal emotional conversation — the intrinsic communication within — you may end up allowing these emotions to be interpreted in your behaviors and responses. For example, you become frustrated before you go and talk to your manager, and that frustration within you turns outward through the conversation, which can trigger your defensive behavioral mechanism.
Two things I learned today when this scenario happened to me:
- Keep awareness of your intrinsic emotional state; it helps prevent unnecessary conflicts.
- Try to change the word from TO to WITH; can I talk with you brings more positive energy to the question.
A little learning of today and hope that by sharing, this may help you too!
