Do We Need Space in Relationship?

The sweet spot of balanced space in relationship versus toxic relationship

Space in Relationship

~ A topic that obviously needs discussions!

~ A topic that we want to know the best!

The sweet spot of balanced space is important! There’s no fixed sweet spot for it because every one of us are uniquely different. And our desire of intimacy versus space can’t be measured as easy as 6 feet social distancing!

Before we get into how to find the sweet spot, please allow me to introduce what I had learned from experiences about true love and toxic relationships:

True Love

It should be feeling like a cup of hot tea; holding on hands carefully, it warms our heart through our finger tips and hands.

In order to keep the temperature, the tea will require a light fire, sometimes at boiling point with passions, sometime just warm enough to drink.

Toxic Love

It feels like an ice cube. Hard to hold it on hands because it’s too cold and slippery. Even if we work the best to hold it, it colds us to freezing through hands to heart.

The tighter we try to keep it, the temperature of our hands become the catalyst for melting it down even faster. At the end; hands are cold burned and ice cube completely disappeared! The effort of tightening we put in has no way to keep it, instead, we destroy it even faster! Our tightening destroyed the love!

With the analogy of ice cube and cup of tea, it helps to lay the foundations of getting to know the magic space in all kinds of relationship.

How much do we love space!

Imagine that we are siting on a plane, or cinema; or any open public area; there’s a stranger sitting next to us and getting too close; what would be coming into our mind? — “Do you mind give some space?” — We tend to keep some person physical space, especially when that person we don’t know. Physical space demand is similar to mental space demand; and if that sentence “Do you mind give some space?” happened in our relationship; then knowing how to handle it is the most important point.

Situation 1

If we are the person that want to raise this sentence to our partner; the first thing we need to know is, that sentence is a negative energy triggering point; and if we learn to know how to approach in a positive way, actually we don’t need to use this sentence at all. By explaining what’s in our mind; if it’s stress, work or just some temporary tasks that we need time and space to finish; or if that’s from the emotional conflict with our partner; everything would be easier especially instead of one mind, we put two minds to work together for solution. With the positive approach and using positive words, problem solving will be just in place.

Effective communication not only can help to solve the situation; in fact, the great communications will help us to take our relationship to the next level.

Situation 2

If we are the person who being requested to give more space, first of all, don’t jump into upset, anger, feeling being rejected or getting into negative emotions. Those emotions is easy to trigger argument and pick up a fight. In all kinds of argument and fight, no one would be able to use positive words to do so, every words come out from our mouth would only be liked adding more fuel to the fire!

If we treasure our relationship with our partner, the last thing we want to add on to our relationship is negative energy.

Take a deep breathe and calm down. Begin to ask question with caring and respective tone of voice; communication is the key. This may seems require for high emotional control, but the truth is, this is a mindset practicing; it’s a continuing lifelong learning and practice.

Situation 3

This is my true story. I have a childhood shadow in Fears of Abandonment! This type of mindset will be easy to be triggered with negative emotions, and it shifts into victim mindset. My old response to this situation would be; first, I devalued myself, thought it’s my fault and my partner is no longer love me; and the victim mindset would take me even deeper; I would be silent and thought that as soon as I don’t ask and argue, maybe later will be better. The truth is, when our partner asked for space, they would also expect us to ask why; if we keep silent, it is going to be in much higher possibility to creeate further distance, and finally, our partner will really leave.

Toxic Relationship Signal

If you find that you can’t control your emotions; and every time when your partner try to talk to you for a little more space, you end up pick up an argument or fight with your partner; or even more, every time after the argument, your desire of control get higher and lead to more serious argument and fight; it’s a signal that you may have a dark shadow that affecting you and your judgement. I would highly suggest you to seek for help from professional therapy or psychologist; once we can define the dark shadow, all problems would be much easier to be soloved. I had been there done that, this is my personal advise for you.

If your partner has similar response, please give them help and support for getting therapy from professionals. If your partner refuse to take that; please consider if you want to continue that relationship; as these could shown as obsession of control power; and that’s one significant trait of domestic violence behaviors. Some early traits would help us to identify that and take further necessary actions.

Remember, control is not real love; don’t let ourselves get into any dangerous situation with thinking of we’re not good enough and all those negative behaviors are true love. That could come from a kind of victim mindset just same as I had before, it won’t help to continue the relationship because it would only getting worst!

In relationship, we want to be cared, appreciated, respected and loved; so as our partner. Put all these key elements with and open-minded communication is the key to step forward into better future.

The magic of finding the sweet spot for space in relationship actually base on TRUST — it takes time to build and learn more about one another. When we trust our partners, the magic of space will come into place.

Thank you for reading! I hope this sharing will help you to have a joyful relationship with your partner!

Please reach out to me if anything you would like to have further discussion; comment below or contact me through my LinkedIn